We’re Just Friends

I just need somewhere to write down my thoughts to process all of these emotions.

You saw me for me. You liked me. You brought joy and happiness into my life. You valued my opinion and you listened to my crazy thoughts. You made me think deeply about who I am as a person. You made me show emotion in a way that I never ever thought I could show. You made it easy. You made me want to face any obstacle. And as long as you were with me, I knew I could do it. You made me laugh. You made me care in a way that’s totally different to the way I cared for others. You made me smile. A lot. You told me your past — raw, uncut, good, bad, and everything in between. You were my first — in everything. Overall, you made me realize that I love you. I. Love. You. As a person who didn’t think they could ever truly say the phrase, you got me. However, you want to be the best you that you could be. You, like me, are broken. And as much as it pains me to come to terms with this new feeling, we are just friends.

I love you. I love that you want to do what’s best for you. I love that you’re selfish for your own growth. I love that you still care for me… no matter what.

With that, I am still here. I will wait. However long, you have my heart. Maybe one day we can come back to being us. We can and will face whatever obstacle we have separately, and hopefully one day, together.

But… I know me. I know how I work. Unfortunately, I am already in too deep. And for me to be me, I cannot function the way that I normally work. The one fear that I knew I couldn’t control, is now a reality and I don’t know how to handle any of this. I am emotionally broken, and that is ok. I don’t want to admit that I cannot survive being friends, but if I want to survive at all, I need to start letting you go until it is time for us to be together, if that is still a possibility.

Now? Now I start readjusting to my life prior to you. Now I slowly back away from our constant conversations and banter about life, and come to terms that I am no longer a top priority in your everyday being. And as the texts slowly linger away into what will eventually be nothing, I will still savor each and every one of them. Now, I try to come to terms and learn how to handle my emotions in a healthy way rather than spiraling. Now, I learn to move on.

So if we come back to each other, we can do this. However, if we don’t, I want to say thank you. I do not regret any of our time together. You wanted me for me, and I have grown so much from my time with you. I hope you do well, I hope you get the best that life offers, and I hope that you know that even though I haven’t told you in person, I love you.

I am not ok. I will be ok one day.

For now, we are just friends.

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